Late last night, I was just about to turn off the idiot box when I saw a familiar face staring back at me. At first glance I thought it was Tobey Maguire, but then I stopped and looked closer and there he was, Elijah Wood. I enjoyed him in Green Street Hooligans (also starring Charlie Hunnam of FX's Sons of Anarchy), and of course as "the most famousest of hobbits" in some obscure trilogy...and now I have another reason to admire Mr. Wood's acting chops: Everything Is Illuminated.
*SPOILERS AND COMMENTARY FOLLOWS*
Right off the bat, Jonathan (Wood) is not a warm, fuzzy, likeable character. He wears a suit and tie the entire movie, and has huge Coke bottle-bottom glasses. How would I describe him? Aloof, cold, and introverted all come to mind. After watching his mannerisms (human interaction, his collecting compulsion, etc.) I actually think he acts a LOT like someone on the Autism spectrum, more along the lines of Asperger Syndrome than full-blown Autism. Of course, two of my three kids are on the spectrum with Asperger's, so that might have something to do with my opinion.
Jonathan is on a personal quest to find Augustine, the Ukranian woman who saved his late grandfather during WWII. He books a trip to the Ukraine, employing a translator-driver team that happen to be grandson-grandfather. Alex (translator) is a total character, a Ukranian break dancer/homeboy who speaks good enough English to be dangerous and comedic. Igor (driver) is gruff and a tad eccentric - he thinks and acts like he is blind, although he knows he isn't.
Oh, and I would be remiss if I overlooked Sammy Davis Jr. Jr. who is Igor's somewhat deranged "Officious Seeing-Eye Bitch." You can thank Alex's command of English for that title, written in Sharpie on Sammy's t-shirt.
So Jonfen (Alex's pronunciation of Jonathan), Alex, Igor, and Sammy take off across the Ukraine in an old car in search of the mysterious Augustine and a town no one seems to know about. The Ukranian (and Czech Republic) scenery is both beautiful and stark at times.
Jonathan is a vegetarian, which baffles the natives to no end. "Do you eat steak? The chicken? Sausage?" Funny to me, because my wife is a vegetarian and has dealt with this sort of mindset for years and years.
CONCLUSION
I won't give away the end, because it's just one of those things you have to see for yourself. Suffice to say, I was hooked from the start and didn't mind at all staying up until 2:30 AM to see if through. If you need explosions, hot chicks, or guys holding guns sideways, Everything Is Illuminated is not for you. I totally recommend this one for folks who like all types of movies, especially character-driven treats like this one.
Showing posts with label Movie Reviews. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Movie Reviews. Show all posts
Monday, December 5, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
The Mystery of Steel? More Like the Misery of Steel...
Saw Conan the Barbarian on Wednesday night. I tried to keep an open mind going into it, because how else can you give something a fair chance? I have been avoiding detailed reviews and message board chatter, but it was impossible to not notice how quickly it was vanishing from theaters in the greater Puget Sound area. So we managed to grab a bite to eat and some beers at the Southcenter BJ's and then take in the 8:10 3D showing of Conan.
*SPOILER ALERT*
I thought it started well enough. Kid Conan killing and beheading the scouts was great (if not a tad outlandish - then again, he is a Cimmerian). But it was all downhill from there. Ron Perlman (Sons of Anarchy, Hellboy, etc) was a decent choice for Conan's father, and hey, he even invoked Crom's name - pretty sure that was the only time Crom was mentioned in the entire flick. And he talked about "the mystery of steel" when he was making swords, but that was it.
So the village is attacked, the population slaughtered, the last piece of the mask is discovered by the bad guys, Conan watches his dad die before his very eyes, and he himself manages to avoid death. The voice-over that follows talks about Conan growing up, thieving, whoring, and otherwise adventuring. Fade in to adult Conan, a chiseled and brooding (but otherwise bland and unlikeable) Jason Momoa.
Conan, now a pirate/mercenary, attacks and frees a slave camp and continues his pursuit of the bad guys who wiped out his village. He allows himself to be captured (to gain some intel), and then saves a woman named Tamara, who just happens to be the last piece of the puzzle that will give the bad guys their sought-after ultimate power of doom. Conan suffers an epic fail, and loses Tamara to the bad guys.
He tracks them down and does battle with the bad guys, foiling their plans to rule the world. A climactic battle ensues, and Conan kills the leader of the bad guys and his evil daughter (Rose McGowan). The end. I mean COME ON! He kills the bad guy by causing him to fall into some second-rate Gorge of Eternal Peril. Sheesh. At least he could have run him through and fired off a great line before lopping his head off or splitting him in twain. Meh.
So what exactly did I think sucked here? Hmm, time for a list:
1) The story was not good at all. Look, I didn't want and didn't expect the new Conan to be a carbon-copy rehash of the original Conan. But the new story was uninspired, choppy, and not epic.
2) Conan was not larger than life. Momoa was not able to give his Conan the charisma, the mystique that Arnold was able to give his Conan. Maybe that's the writers fault, but nevertheless, I just could not like Momoa's Conan.
3) The bad guys sucked. Thulsa Doom was evil, charismatic, and had some snappy dialogue. Khalar Zym was just another dime-a-dozen wannabe tyrant, who was totally lacking in all bad guy aspects.
4) The supporting cast was hollow. Conan's pirate friends were OK, but we don't know anything about Artus. Same goes for Ela-Shan, the liberated thief who Conan later calls upon to help him enter the bad guy's impenetrable fortress of e-vil. And Tamara, while certainly attractive and smart, is suddenly able to fight like a pissed-off lioness. Riiiiight.
5) 3D is overrated, or at least not well utilized in this Conan. It mostly seemed to be layered scenery, which really didn't do anything for me. How about some good locations and great cinematography instead?
CONCLUSION
What could have been an awesome epic for a new generation of Conan fans was instead a shallow, disjointed mess. It wasn't even a good swords & sorcery romp. No one is going to go around spouting quotes from this Conan for decades to come. No one is going to pull off Arnold poses and facial expressions. Instead, it fades into obscurity as yet another remake that failed, and failed big time.
The Thing prequel, however, looks a LOT more promising. And there's also the Red Dawn remake (North Korean soldiers invade Spokane? WTF? At least this time the Wolverines will use the Cascades as their base).
*SPOILER ALERT*
I thought it started well enough. Kid Conan killing and beheading the scouts was great (if not a tad outlandish - then again, he is a Cimmerian). But it was all downhill from there. Ron Perlman (Sons of Anarchy, Hellboy, etc) was a decent choice for Conan's father, and hey, he even invoked Crom's name - pretty sure that was the only time Crom was mentioned in the entire flick. And he talked about "the mystery of steel" when he was making swords, but that was it.
So the village is attacked, the population slaughtered, the last piece of the mask is discovered by the bad guys, Conan watches his dad die before his very eyes, and he himself manages to avoid death. The voice-over that follows talks about Conan growing up, thieving, whoring, and otherwise adventuring. Fade in to adult Conan, a chiseled and brooding (but otherwise bland and unlikeable) Jason Momoa.
Conan, now a pirate/mercenary, attacks and frees a slave camp and continues his pursuit of the bad guys who wiped out his village. He allows himself to be captured (to gain some intel), and then saves a woman named Tamara, who just happens to be the last piece of the puzzle that will give the bad guys their sought-after ultimate power of doom. Conan suffers an epic fail, and loses Tamara to the bad guys.
He tracks them down and does battle with the bad guys, foiling their plans to rule the world. A climactic battle ensues, and Conan kills the leader of the bad guys and his evil daughter (Rose McGowan). The end. I mean COME ON! He kills the bad guy by causing him to fall into some second-rate Gorge of Eternal Peril. Sheesh. At least he could have run him through and fired off a great line before lopping his head off or splitting him in twain. Meh.
So what exactly did I think sucked here? Hmm, time for a list:
1) The story was not good at all. Look, I didn't want and didn't expect the new Conan to be a carbon-copy rehash of the original Conan. But the new story was uninspired, choppy, and not epic.
2) Conan was not larger than life. Momoa was not able to give his Conan the charisma, the mystique that Arnold was able to give his Conan. Maybe that's the writers fault, but nevertheless, I just could not like Momoa's Conan.
3) The bad guys sucked. Thulsa Doom was evil, charismatic, and had some snappy dialogue. Khalar Zym was just another dime-a-dozen wannabe tyrant, who was totally lacking in all bad guy aspects.
4) The supporting cast was hollow. Conan's pirate friends were OK, but we don't know anything about Artus. Same goes for Ela-Shan, the liberated thief who Conan later calls upon to help him enter the bad guy's impenetrable fortress of e-vil. And Tamara, while certainly attractive and smart, is suddenly able to fight like a pissed-off lioness. Riiiiight.
5) 3D is overrated, or at least not well utilized in this Conan. It mostly seemed to be layered scenery, which really didn't do anything for me. How about some good locations and great cinematography instead?
CONCLUSION
What could have been an awesome epic for a new generation of Conan fans was instead a shallow, disjointed mess. It wasn't even a good swords & sorcery romp. No one is going to go around spouting quotes from this Conan for decades to come. No one is going to pull off Arnold poses and facial expressions. Instead, it fades into obscurity as yet another remake that failed, and failed big time.
The Thing prequel, however, looks a LOT more promising. And there's also the Red Dawn remake (North Korean soldiers invade Spokane? WTF? At least this time the Wolverines will use the Cascades as their base).
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Movie Review - Thor
Saw Thor last weekend with my oldest son, Mr. Frodo, and we thoroughly enjoyed it! I was first introduced to Thor via his comic book adventures in the mid to late 1970s, and like any good viking son, I wanted to be Thor when I grew up. I should note that we saw the old-school 2D show, not the fancy-pants 3D version.The team did a good job depicting Thor's fall from grace and his subsequent adventures to regain his powers. Aussie Chris Hemsworth was a good choice as The God of Thunder, and pretty much nails the fallen-god-stuck-on-Earth-as-a-mortal without overdoing it. Natalie Portman is hot & brainy as Jane Foster, and manages to not totally swoon whenever Thor is flaunting his chiseled physique. I couldn't help but to notice that Hemsworth is starring in the upcoming remake of Red Dawn - don't screw this one up, dude. Wolverines!
I thought Stellan Skarsgard did a great job as Erik Selvig, but then again, I've enjoyed Skarsgard since he was Viktor Tupolev in The Hunt for Red October ("You arrogant ass. You've killed us!") Also worth note in a supporting role is Idris Elba as Heimdall, he of deep bass voice and stern gaze as the guardian of Asgard on the bridge Bifrost.
The only letdown comes from Mr. Frodo. He wanted to know why the frost giants didn't look like the iconic image from D&D. So not really a letdown, just more of a child's observation that stems from his seemingly endless lines of questions for his old man.
So I give Thor a solid 3 out of 5 Dragons. If you like comic book hero action flicks, flying hammers, Natalie Portman, and Norse mythology, give Thor a chance.
(Pictured is Reaper's take on Thor, Dark Heaven Legends #2701, sculpted by Tim Prow and wonderfully painted by Derek Schubert.)
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